A Place For Me
by Upsgirl88
Summary: As the new leader of Hilltop Carol makes a deal with Rick that will bring some of her old friends and family to the community for short periods of time - including Daryl. She knows she hurt him badly, but still, he asks her if there's a place for him in her new life. Carol must decide if there is.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: After some feedback I received from readers I decided to go ahead with this story. As I've expressed before I'm struggling a bit with motivation. I know it's incredibly frustrating that I have several fics out there that are incomplete and I sincerely apologize for that. I do intend to finish all of them at some point. I struggled with starting this new idea because I feel guilty with the other unfinished stories. But someone told me that it's better to write something than nothing… and it might help me pick up the others if I just keep writing what I can. I don't intend for this to be a lengthy fic which is another reason I decided to start it. It feels really good and very inspiring to finish something so I'm hoping it will help._

 _Anyway, I hope you like the concept. The first chapter is just really setting up the background for you and bridging where Carol is currently to where she is in the story. But the real plot here is a Caryl love story in a different setting and circumstance than I have done before. Would love to know what people think of the first chapter - it means a lot to me to hear from you. In any case, thank you for reading and thank you for your patience and understanding. XOXO Bobbi_

Carol woke up nervous. It was a big day. A huge day. The future of her community depended on the outcome of the meeting she would have in only a few minutes. But that wasn't the only reason she was nervous. There was something much bigger that had her stomach tied up in knots. She was meeting with Rick Grimes, a man who was like a brother to her only a few short months ago. She hadn't seen him in many weeks and he had no idea he was meeting with her.

It felt like a lifetime ago that she'd left a goodbye note and Alexandria in her rearview. So much had happened since then. Morgan found her, saved her, and with the help of a kind man from a place called The Kingdom, he'd taken her to Hilltop where the doctor was able to keep her from dying. She'd wanted to die back then. She was in a very, very dark place and death was quite welcome. But looking back now - Carol was very happy to still be alive.

Morgan. Who knew that he would be the one to bring her back from the depths of despair to where she was now. It wasn't an easy road - not at all. There were days she'd seriously considered running again. There were days she didn't even want to get out of bed. But she'd stayed. And she'd got up - every - single - day.

It had been terrifying at first, talking with Morgan, because he knew things he shouldn't have known about her. He knew what she was feeling and thinking. He knew she loathed herself and her actions. It was scary for someone to see through her like that. It didn't take long for Carol to realize why though - he knew because he'd been there.

The day Morgan shared his entire story was the day than Carol finally realized she had a future. She felt lighter and she felt a freedom she believed she would never feel again. It was also that same day that she finally opened up to him and let everything spill out - all of it. Morgan already knew some things - like how she'd killed Karen and David. But when she told him about Lizzie Morgan cried with her. Never once did he judge her though. He'd killed many innocent people when he was clearing. He was in no position to judge anything she'd done. Knowing that made it easier to be completely honest with him.

It was after that day that Morgan finally returned to the compromise they had made with each other when he found her. A man had been attacking her and Carol had given up. She was willing to die, too tired and in too much pain to fight back. Morgan killed that man and saved her life. When she met his eyes, lying on the ground, bleeding, cold and exhausted Morgan spoke a few words she would never forget, "We don't have to kill. But sometimes we have to kill." It was a truce between them, but Carol never imagined those would become the words she lived by.

Her path to healing had begun with forgiving herself. Morgan had to work really hard to get her to a place where she was able to do that - but it had happened, finally. He made Carol see that killing can be a choice most of the time. But not always. That was what he struggled with as well. They were opposites in a way. He didn't want to kill ever and she couldn't stop herself from doing it when her family was at risk. Slowly they talked each other into a place of compromise where both could move forward without any guilt. If there was another way you always do it. But when there's not - it's okay.

Morgan helped her live again, but she also helped him realize that he could exist amongst others even if his views were vastly different. So for several weeks they lived at Hilltop - secretly. The only person who knew them was Jesus and Morgan had begged him to keep their identity a secret from Gregory - and from Rick. Morgan had made a day trip to Alexandria to let Rick know that both of them were safe. Rick, Daryl and many others had begged Morgan to tell them where she was, but he kept her secret. Now - finally, it was time to let her family know where she'd been all this time.

"He misses you," Morgan had said during a quiet moment after he'd returned from Alexandria. Carol didn't have to ask who - she knew. "Rick had to hold him back when I wouldn't say where you were." Carol felt her heart pound thinking about him. It was the hardest part of leaving - leaving him. "He cried though - just knowing you were alive and safe."

Carol brushed away a tear. Just thinking about him made her long to see his face once again. Maybe… some day soon she would. But would he ever forgive her for leaving? Would he understand?

She started to get dressed. Would he be there that very day? With Rick? Carol couldn't decide if she wanted him there or not. This deal she wanted to make was a big one and she couldn't let her emotions get in the way of what was best for Hilltop.

It was crazy to think that she was now the leader of this beautiful community. But it just seemed to fit. She still felt guilty that she had overcome her injuries so easily but Gregory had never recovered from his wound. He died slowly from infection, his body resisting the limited antibiotics they were able to round up.

The day he died Carol was still in a bad place. As the weeks passed and she started to get better she began to realize that the community was falling apart without a solid leader in place. It all started with Carol pitching in, getting things organized again, making sure people were taken care of. They still had supplies coming in but everything was in such a disarray. It came naturally for her to look after people. If there was one thing Tobin had recognized in her it was her maternal instinct. He knew nothing else of the real her - she'd kept that hidden behind her mask, but her need to look after people and be a mother to those who needed it - it wasn't something she was ever able to hide.

Over time people started to come to her for guidance, even those who were closest to Gregory. She was counselled on big decisions, on defense, on trading, on how to best utilize their resources… people came to her for everything. Carol started to feel like she was finally exactly where she needed to be. She was taking care of people without killing, without violence, but with strategy and peacefulness.

She could still remember the day Jesus had come to her with several other men and asked her if she would be willing to make it official. "You've been leading this place for weeks but the people need to know they have a leader." Carol wanted to say no, but the way they were looking at her with such hope and trust… she agreed - and from then on it was official - Carol was the new leader of Hilltop.

This place was the epitome of her new life philosophy - We don't have to kill. But sometimes we have to kill. It was a very peaceful community and they kept to themselves, bowed to the Saviours to avoid conflict, and just lived as normal of a life as one could in this world. When her men went out to scavenge or trade they often ran into trouble. Carol told them if they needed to kill in self defense to do it, but if they were able to take prisoners, reason with people, make deals etc, to try - because that was just how they would do things.

Lately though, there were more and more threats from the Saviours. There was something she needed from Rick and she had many resources that he didn't - bargaining chips. As Carol checked her reflection in the mirror there was a knock on her door. "He's here." She took a deep breath - it was time.

Carol walked towards the stairs and she looked down to the lobby. She froze. Rick wasn't alone. Of course he wasn't alone. Michonne was standing by his side. Carol felt her eyes well up with tears. They looked so good. Michonne looked happy and Rick seemed more relaxed than she'd ever seen him. But her eyes only stayed on them for a moment before they moved to the man pacing like a caged tiger off to their left. Daryl. He was here.

She quickly sucked in air and swiped the tears off her cheeks. She had to pull herself together. This wasn't a personal visit - this was business. Carol moved down the stairs and by the time she was at the landing she could feel all eyes on her. "Carol?" Rick looked confused, but the confusion quickly gave way to a smile as both him and Michonne ran towards her. Before she knew what was happening she was firmly in the middle of a group hug. "You're here? You've been here all along?" Rick asked as he released her. "Wait… you? Am I… are we… meeting with you?" She nodded, not surprised at how quickly he put things together - Rick was a smart guy. "Wow…"

Michonne hugged her again. "It's so good to see you," she whispered. While they hugged Carol allowed herself a brief glance in Daryl's direction. He was no longer pacing, but he was making no move towards her. Her heart sank. Daryl was pissed at her - she was sure of it. He always came running, hugged her… but not this time.

When it was clear the reunion was over and she'd promised to tell them her whole story some time, she invited them into her office to talk. It was killing her the way Daryl was hanging back, silent. She'd hurt him - bad. Maybe too bad to ever repair.

When they were all sitting Carol quickly got to the point. "I want to make a deal with you," she started. "The Saviours are getting worse. We lost a couple men last week and one the week before. I'm worried they might come to gates - or might try something." Rick nodded - he knew everything the Saviours were capable of. "My people are getting scared. They aren't used to living in fear like this. It's taking it's toll on many of them. We need something - we need a feeling of security that I think you can provide."

Rick looked intrigued. "What's your proposal?" He asked.

"We aren't fighters here Rick. We have some, yes, but we're not like you guys and no offence… but we don't want to be." Carol paused. "Yes, I could take a group and train them, but… I don't want to go there if there's another way." She glanced over at Daryl and he looked away. "It would go such a long way if I could make them feel even a little more secure here." She chewed her lip. "So here's what I want - I want you to provide me with guards. Three of them at all times. They would live here, rotate shifts… maybe stay a week and then a new crew could come switch things up." Carol had thought out all the details. "I want my community to feel safe knowing there are people here who will protect them at all costs - people who will kill without hesitation to make sure no one else gets hurt." There it was - she'd said it, made her request.

Rick narrowed his eyes, "Let me get this straight… you want me to risk the lives of my people to protect your community?"

"Essentially, yes," Carol admitted.

"Why would I do that?" He asked, giving her a smug, amused look.

Carol could feel a little of his arrogance slipping in and she would have none of it. "You're going to do it because you need things that I have. If you don't agree to my terms I will veto our trading agreement and move the loyalties of Hilltop to the Kingdom." She didn't want to threaten him, but Rick had to know she was serious about this. "No more produce. No more casings and supplies for Eugene to make bullets. And no more access to our vast storage of supplies." She could see him bristling and Carol softened. "Please Rick, my people need protection, you need supplies. I'm asking for 3 people - that's all. I'm trying to do what's best for this community and I'm asking for your help - in return for everything you need." Carol could tell he was getting closer to giving in. "You don't have to give us anything in return for our supplies anymore - other than your protection." Carol could still barter with the Kingdom for anything else they might need.

She watched him look at Michonne and saw her nod. "Guess we have a deal," he said, reaching out a hand.

Before Carol shook it she added something, "You send people that will make us feel safe, not people you can afford to lose." It wasn't a great thing to say, but it was the truth. She wanted Abraham, Sasha, Heath… Not men like Tobin who had no experience outside the walls with sadistic individuals like the Saviours.

Rick sighed, "You know I will." Carol shook his hand. "How soon does this thing start?" He asked her.

"Starts right now," a voice spoke from the back of the room. They all turned at looked at Daryl. It was the first time she heard his voice in so long and it made her want to cry. She fought back the tears. "Send back two more once you get home, but I'm staying." Carol struggled to breathe. Daryl was staying. Here. For some ridiculous reason in all her planning she hadn't even thought about the possibility of Daryl being a guard - or of him living here while he did.

Rick didn't bother to argue. There was never a point in arguing with Daryl - he was way too stubborn. "I'll send two more - by tomorrow at the latest."

Carol nodded. "Jesus is waiting outside. He'll help you get what you need," she said.

Rick came over. "I'm glad you're okay," he said, giving her another hug. "This is exactly where you needed to be all along." Michonne hugged her too and they started to leave. "You coming to help?" He asked Daryl.

"Be there in a minute," he muttered. Daryl's back was to her and he didn't turn around until the door closed behind them and it was just the two of them left.

When he was facing her Carol finally spoke, "I know you're mad at me… but the only thing I can say is I'm sorry… I never meant to…" She stopped talking when Daryl started walking towards her.

"We can talk later," he said, before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her tightly against his body. Carol melted against him and hugged him back, feeling the tears start to flow instantly. Daryl's face was tucked against her neck and as she sobbed in his arms she realized he was crying too. He clung to her, so tight it was almost suffocating, but it still felt so good to be held by the one person she missed most from the second she left.

When Daryl finally released her they looked at each other with tear filled eyes. Daryl licked his lips and spoke, "You started over - without me."

Carol shook her head. "I didn't want to - I just…" She was way too emotional to try to explain it.

"Shhh," Daryl said, touching his finger to her lips. "I just need to know… if there's a place for me...now? Can I be in your new life?"


	2. Chapter 2

Carol wanted to say yes - so badly. Was there a place for Daryl in her new life? She really wanted there to be a place for him - she needed there to be a place for him… But was there? She was such a different person now. Her entire philosophy had changed. How could Daryl possibly understand?

But it was more than that. There was one major problem with Daryl being in her life. He meant too much to her. How could she live by her new code with him around? If anyone hurt him, threatened him or even came close to it… she would kill them without a second thought. She cared about him that much… too much.

At the same time she missed him… God, she missed him. She missed talking to him, teasing him, cooking for him… She missed just seeing him walk by or hearing his voice when he spoke to someone else. She missed his damn face. His beautiful face. And now here he was looking at her with those eager eyes, practically begging her to want him around… yet she just couldn't say yes.

But she couldn't say no either. "I… I'm uh… I'm not sure," she stammered. Dammit, that look… His eyes were so sad - like a puppy who had just been punished. "Daryl…" she tried to reach for his hand but he dodged her and backed away.

"It's fine," he said icily. "It's fine…" he repeated more quietly as he continued to back away from her.

"Daryl," she tried again. She had to fix this… somehow. They needed time to talk. She needed a chance to explain things. It was like a knife stabbing into her heart knowing that she was hurting him. "Will you come here - tonight?" She asked. "We can talk. We need to talk…"

Daryl shook his head. "Nah, I've heard enough."

"Please," she pleaded. "Just come tonight okay? Please?" He didn't answer. He didn't refuse, but he didn't agree either. He was just… gone.

Carol busied herself with day to day activities and though she saw Daryl a few times over the course of the day she didn't speak to him and she could tell he was avoiding eye contact. Once he started a shift on watch she didn't see him again, but shift changed at dark, so by 10pm she was watching out the window hoping to see him approach.

Carol watched and waited, as the knot in her stomach got tighter and tighter every time she looked at the clock. By 11:30 it was clear that he wasn't coming. Her heart sank and she wanted to cry but refused to let the tears fall.

There was somewhere she needed to go. Carol grabbed a jacket and left her house. She moved two buildings over, entered and knocked on a door with the number 23 on it. Just as she was about to knock a second time the door opened. "Carol? What's going on?" Morgan asked, rubbing his eyes. She had clearly woke him up.

"I need to talk," she said, not waiting for an invite but instead just brushing past him and heading straight for the kitchen. She made them both a coffee and then sat down at the table. They had sat there many times and drank a lot of coffee. There had been some very emotional moments in that very spot - for both of them.

"Okay," Morgan said after taking a sip. "What's going on?"

"It's Daryl," she said.

"You must be thrilled to see him," Morgan replied with a smile. Carol stared at him blankly. What the hell was she supposed to say to that? Of course she was thrilled, but at the same time - it was awful. She'd made a mess of things in a matter of minutes. "You ain't happy he's here?" Morgan continued, looking confused.

"I am," Carol insisted. "It's so good to see him… but…" She was really struggling to explain herself. She had got to the point that she was very open and honest with Morgan and found it very easy to talk to him. Carol decided it had to be because she was tired - that's why she was having such a tough time. "He asked me if he could be a part of my life again… and I freaked out," she sighed.

"Tell me why," Morgan said gently.

"If he's here… If I'm around him… I'll just end up right back where I was before," Carol replied. "I'll kill for him. I need to protect him."

"You won't," Morgan insisted. "You've come too far. You need to trust yourself Carol, and you need to trust him."

"Why? Why take the chance?" She asked, feeling the tears start to fill her eyes. "I can just tell him not to come back… to send others and just stay away…"

"You can't do that," Morgan said with a little smile. "You shouldn't."

"What do you mean? Why can't I?" Carol asked. He was doing that thing where he gets all cryptic and Carol hated it when he did that.

"Let me ask you something…" Morgan said, looking serious. "Did you love Tobin?"

"Of course I did," Carol replied. "I loved everyone in Alexandria - they were… they are my family."

"No, I mean - were you in love with him?" Morgan clarified.

Carol took a deep breath. "Oh.. Um…" She shook her head. "No, it wasn't like that. I was just trying to be someone else and maybe that other person I was trying to be could have loved him someday… but it wasn't me."

Morgan nodded. "Did you love Ed?"

"Ha," Carol chuckled. "I thought I did… but I was young when we met and I know now it was never love."

"Was there anyone before Ed?" He asked.

Carol wasn't sure where he was going with this line of thought. "No, not really. A couple short term things… but nothing serious." She narrowed her eyes. "What is this about?"

"Just getting things straight in my mind before I say something significant," Morgan replied, smiling at her.

"Would you quit with the Yoda bullshit and just tell me what's on your mind?" Carol snapped.

"Okay, okay… Carol… you're in love with him. With Daryl," he said. "You've never been in love before, it's natural that you don't recognize it - or maybe you're scared and don't want to see it. But that's why you can't send him away. You're in love with him and have been for sometime." His words were slowly sinking in. "You are finally in a place where you can let yourself be happy… and you should."

Carol opened her mouth to protest but nothing came out. What was there to say? He was right. The reason she would do absolutely anything for Daryl was because she was in love with him. She left to protect him. She gave him no choice in the matter. But she had always felt like she left her heart behind - with him. It all made so much sense but had she known it before and just didn't want to see it? Or was Morgan onto something with the idea that she just didn't know what it felt like to be in love with someone. "What if… I mean - he doesn't feel that way about me, so what does it matter?"

Morgan laughed and she resisted the urge to punch him. "He does. Trust me."

"You don't know that… Daryl is… he's complicated," Carol protested.

"Carol… the only one it ain't obvious to is you." Morgan shrugged, "And maybe him." Carol sighed. "I'm serious," he insisted. "The two of you are so much alike. I don't know that Daryl has a clue that what he's feeling for you is love. I don't know all that much about him - but I'm willing to bet he ain't been in love before either."

"This doesn't change anything you know," Carol said, crossing her arms. "It doesn't change the fact that I would kill for him."

Morgan eyed her for a moment. "I don't believe you would when it came down to it. I believe you would stick by your way of life… but…" he held up a finger. "But if that's the case… he's only one person and he's the most important person in the world to you. We don't have to kill… but sometimes we have to kill. If he's your 'sometimes' you need to let yourself be okay with that or it's gonna eat you up - you've come too far for that."

Carol pondered his words. They made sense. Morgan always made sense and sometimes it was fucking annoying, but most of the time it was welcome wisdom. "So what do I do now?" She asked.

Morgan gave her a look. "I've taken you 'bout as far as I can. It's up to you from here," he shrugged. "You know I'm here if you need to talk."

"Thank you," Carol said, sincerely. "Okay, you can go back to sleep now," she added sweetly. "And I'm gonna make you something."

"Those chocolate pecan muffins were pretty tasty," Morgan joked as he walked her to the door.

"Hmm… that might just be doable." Carol gave him a quick hug. "Night."

The smile spread across her face before she even made it home. So this is what love feels like, Carol thought, resisting the urge to giggle while walking alone after midnight. Her emotions were a complete rollercoaster. The second she stepped inside she went from giddy elation to complete freak out mode. What if Morgan is wrong? What if Daryl doesn't feel the same way? Five minutes later she was thinking about all the moments her and Daryl had shared and she decided again that Morgan was right. Daryl felt something for her too.

Knowing she was never going to get to sleep anytime soon Carol went into the kitchen and started to bake. She made Morgan's muffins first. She would deliver them first thing in the morning so he could have one for breakfast. While the muffins were baking she whipped up a batch of cookie batter. It was nice to have such vast supplies at Hilltop. She could make almost any kind of cookie she would have made before the turn.

Just after 2 am she crawled into bed. Carol was tired enough to shut off her brain and fall asleep. When the alarm went off a few hours later she woke with a knot in her stomach, but also a warm feeling that took her a moment to place. Daryl… Her foggy, tired brain made the connection and she got into the shower with a smile.

But as her brain woke up it started to work too much, yet again. By the time she finished showering and was dressed Carol was pretty sure she had gone through every disastrous scenario imaginable. She headed for the kitchen and grabbed the bag of muffins and the bag of cookies she'd made before bed.

With a big deep breath she headed outside. It was either gonna be a disaster or it was gonna be great. There was only one way to find out. But before they could move forward Carol knew they had to deal with the past. She needed to talk to Daryl about leaving and everything that had happened since then. If he couldn't accept her for who she was now there was no point in her admitting her feelings - no point in hurting either one of them anymore.

She quickly dropped the muffins off with Morgan and headed to the watch post to wait for Daryl. Shift change would happen any time. Finally she saw him coming. He was avoiding looking at her even though he wouldn't have much choice soon. "Hi," Carol said when he was close enough.

"Hey," he muttered, looking past her.

Carol had enough of his childish behaviour. "Listen, these are for you. I made them last night," she held out the bag of chocolate chip M&M cookies. "They're really good. Really, really good. And everyone knows it - so if you don't want to share I suggest you hide them - quickly." Daryl tucked the bag inside his jacket and she couldn't help but smile. "Tonight, when your shift is over you will come to my place and we will talk," Carol said in a tone that told him she was very serious. "If you don't show up I will find you. We're going to talk," she insisted.

Carol was about to continue with her threats when Daryl spoke. "Okay. I'll be there."

"Huh? Oh…" she was stunned for a moment. She wasn't expecting him to agree that quickly. "Okay then… great… uh… have a good day." Carol started to walk away.

"Hey," he called out. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replied, turning to walk away again.

"Hey," he said stopping her one more time. Carol turned back and waited for him to speak. He hesitated and then spoke so softly that she could barely hear him. "I've missed you."

"Me too," she replied with a smile. Carol walked away quickly before she started to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

Carol was already pacing when she heard the knock on the door. Three short wraps. Just like they'd always done to let each other know exactly who was knocking. It was just one of their many "things." Some of those things were incredibly intimate when she actually thought about it. The way he used to brush her arm "accidentally." Carol had always ignored the feeling of electricity that flowed through her from his touch, even the slightest graze. And there was this thing that happened with his voice sometimes - only when he talked to her. It was softer, lower… sexy… it made her shiver just thinking about it.

When she opened the door it happened. "Hey," he said - in that exact tone she'd just been thinking about it. Then he walked into the house, brushing her arm with his as he passed, sending that jolt of electricity through her from head to toe… Carol realized that this chat was going to be even harder than she could possibly have imagined.

"Did you, um, did you want me to make you something… dinner? Are you hungry? Did you eat? I can cook something - for you…" Carol was talking way too fast and stammering through every word.

"Nah, I'm good," Daryl replied. "That girl… with the really curly hair… she brought me some food." Carol resisted the urge to smile. Daryl would have no clue, but that girl with the really curly hair was bringing him food hoping for a little attention she wasn't going to get from him.

"Okay, um, then… I guess we can just… uh, go in the kitchen and sit… or the living room, or um, wherever you want," Carol said, feeling annoyed with herself for having such a difficult time talking.

"Kitchen's good," Daryl grunted. She led the way and they sat down at the table.

"Did you like the cookies?" Carol asked, trying to make a little small talk in an attempt to relax a bit.

"I ate them all," Daryl said, giving her a sheepish look. "I ain't had cookies since… since you left…" His voice trailed off and his words left her with a pang in her chest.

Carol knew that small talk wasn't going to get them anywhere, she needed to get right into it. She took a deep breath and decided to start a little further back than Daryl might have expected. "Do you remember when we were looking for Beth… I gave you the chance to ask me what happened with Lizzie and Mika… but you never asked. Why?"

"I knew they were gone," Daryl said with a shrug. "Just didn't think you needed to hurt more by talking about it."

Carol nodded. He was trying to protect her, as usual. "Well, I need you to know the truth because it's a big part of how I got where I was… when I left." She took a moment to compose herself, determined not to cry so early in the conversation. Carol explained to him what Lizzie was like, how disturbed she was and how she viewed the world. "So when we came back and… saw Mika…" Carol's voice cracked. "She just… she just had no idea what she'd done." Daryl was staring at her in disbelief. "She told us Mika would come back and we would see that we were wrong." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "And she said she was just about to… Judith…" Carol focussed and somehow got through the rest of the story, keeping her emotions in check as best she could. Daryl looked physically ill by the time she was finished.

"You said you couldn't let yourself feel," he said quietly. "I wanted to respect that. Thought you'd come to me when you were ready… you never did…"

"There was never a good time," Carol replied. Maybe it was a lame excuse. Maybe she was just too scared to tell anyone.

Daryl, as usual, saw through her bullshit. "There was time. There was plenty of time, like when you moved off on your own after the attack and avoided me for weeks. Or when you were doing that thing - whatever it was - with Tobin." Carol didn't miss the wounded look on his face.

"Daryl… I was too far gone by that point," her eyes pleaded with him for understanding. "Tobin… he was… I just wanted to feel normal. I was grasping. I was sinking. I thought maybe I could just live this ordinary life with this ordinary guy who goes to work every day and comes home every night." Carol saw the struggle in his face. He was trying to understand - and that's all she could ask of him. "I could hide everything when I was with him because he didn't know me well enough to see the pain. You would have seen it if I spent time with you," Carol explained. "You would have seen right through me and I would have broke - I didn't want to break."

"Why?" He asked. "Maybe I could have helped."

It was time to get to the root of the problem and hope he would finally understand. "If someone is weak - if they're broken… They can't fight and they can't kill." Carol felt the tears start to prickle her eyes. "You know when I decided to leave?" She asked. Daryl shrugged. "When we dug that grave and buried Denise. You were a wreck - absolutely tore up with guilt because you didn't kill Dwight and then Dwight killed her." She didn't mean to make him sad, but she could tell there was still guilt there - to this day. "I couldn't let that be me," Carol said, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I almost got Maggie and myself killed when we were kidnapped because I froze. I didn't want to kill - I don't - not anymore." More tears fell. "I had to get away because I loved all of you too much to risk your lives by being around me."

Daryl shook his head. "We could have protected you - I," he said with emphasis. "I could have protected you until you got better."

"Daryl, please… I need you to understand… I didn't know I could get better. I was so far down I didn't think it was possibly to come back… I…" She hadn't admitted this to anyone but Morgan, "I wanted to die."

Daryl looked like he was going to be sick for a moment and then the look changed to one of hurt, maybe something else - anger… "You didn't say goodbye," he stated, a slight edge to his voice. "You spent the night - with him… and you left a note - with him… and you didn't say goodbye… to me."

"Please," she pleaded again. "You have to know that I did all of that for a reason. I needed him there to find the note so no one would come looking for me. I didn't want anyone to find me or risk their lives trying." Carol swiped away the tears. Her heart was aching. "You wouldn't have let me leave if I tried to say goodbye - I know you and you know me… that was the problem."

"But you didn't say goodbye," Daryl said, a little louder. He seemed to be really stuck on one point but it was clearly the thing that had hurt him the most. "You know me - you have to know I looked for you as soon as I found out." Carol nodded. She knew she had to get far away before Daryl found out because he would come after her - that was a given.

"Would it really have mattered if I said goodbye?" Carol asked gently. "Would it have made a difference if I left you a personal note or something…"

"Yes," he said quickly. "No," he said right after. "I don't know," Daryl hissed in frustration. "But you just didn't. That's all I know."

"I'm sorry," Carol said weakly. What else could she say? She couldn't change what she'd already done.

Daryl stood up and Carol felt her stomach knot up. "I'm glad you're better." That was all he said before he started to leave.

"Daryl? Daryl?" She called after him. "Where are you going? What…"

"I just…" he sighed deeply. "I just need space… time…"

Carol was at a loss. Daryl was so sensitive and she'd hurt him badly. She was better… but his healing was only beginning. "Okay," she replied, following him towards the front door. "I'm here… whenever you're ready."

Daryl grunted something and was gone. Carol went up to bed and cried until she finally fell asleep.

Much like she'd done to him back in Alexandria Daryl avoided her for the remainder of his stay at Hilltop. It was agony to have him so close, but so closed off. She tried a couple of times to approach him - but stopped herself. When he was ready - if that time ever came… he could come to her.

Tara and Heath had arrived to finish the first round with Daryl. And exactly one week after Rick, Michonne and Daryl arrived a new crew came to replace the three guards. Daryl would be leaving… And Abe, Sasha and Aaron would take over.

Carol put on a happy face and welcomed the three new arrivals. Jesus showed them around and made sure they were comfortable before they started their shift. Carol said goodbye to Tara and Heath and thanked them for their hard work. Daryl was nowhere to be found, clearly still avoiding her. Carol waited a bit, but she started to realize that he likely wasn't planning on showing up to leave until he knew she was gone.

She rushed home before she got too emotional. Carol needed some time alone to compose herself. She was startled when she shut the door and turned around. Daryl was standing there, waiting for her. "Oh God, you scared me," she whispered, her body trembling from the adrenaline rush.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I, uh… couldn't leave without saying bye…" Daryl spoke soft and shyly. "Not after…" He let his words trail off because she knew exactly what he was referring to. He was upset with her for not saying goodbye when she left Alexandria - he couldn't do the same to her.

"Will you be back?" Carol blurted out. She had to know. Was this goodbye forever?

"I don't know," he said quietly. Her heart sunk. She desperately wanted him to say yes. Carol looked at the floor but when she looked up he was right in front of her. "Just one more thing I gotta do…" Before she even realized what was happening Daryl's lips were on hers. It was so unexpected she gasped. The gasp left her lips parted and he took advantage of that, slipping his tongue into her mouth. Carol felt her heart start to pound in her chest, beating wildly and her knees grew weak as Daryl continued to kiss her. She placed her hands lightly on his chest and could feel his heart hammering just like her own. He touched the small of her back and pulled her closer, almost possessively.

She had wondered many times what it would be like to kiss Daryl, but this was much different than she had ever envisioned. It was sweet yet passionate. It was… the first kiss from a man she was absolutely, 100% certain she was in love with. And that made it the best kiss of her life. Carol had no idea how much better something as simple as a kiss could be because of the way you felt about the person.

Carol heard herself whimper as Daryl's tongue glided over hers. She didn't want this moment to end - ever. But it had to… people were waiting for him. When he finally pulled back she was overwhelmed with sadness. Would that be the only time they ever kissed? Was he leaving and never coming back? Before he moved too far away and she lost the chance Carol laid her head on his chest and hugged him tightly. Instantly Daryl hugged her back. "Please come back," she whispered. "Please…"

Daryl let her go and took a step back. "Will ya make more of those cookies?"

Carol was so relieved she started to laugh and cry at the same time. "I'll make them every day if that's what it takes."

"Deal," Daryl said, with one of his little shy smiles. "Bye," he added, meeting her eyes one last time. As he walked by her to go out the door he brushed her arm and those same volts of electricity shot through her body.

"Bye," Carol whispered, watching the door close behind him. She ran to the window and watched him leave. It was the most bittersweet feeling she had ever felt. He was leaving - and he was taking her heart with him. But he would bring it back - she was sure of it. They still had so much to work through, but finally… finally they had somewhere to start.

Fuck, Carol thought, it's going to be the longest week ever!


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: Oh wow, thank you all so much for the kindness on this one! The feedback has been lovely, and I'm just so appreciative of the number of people reading it. And the people who have sent not just feedback, but messages on here and on the Tumblr link… I'm blown away. Thank you so much. I hope this chapter isn't too 'quiet' but I wanted to keep it real by getting a feel for what happened with some of the others. Character death mentioned here. I just went with the comics for that one. Enjoy!_

The week passed by agonizingly slowly for Carol. The only way to speed things up was to throw herself into her work and stay busy all day. She pushed herself hard so she was exhausted by bedtime and was asleep almost instantly every night. Keeping busy might have prevented her from thinking about Daryl all day long, but it didn't keep him out of her dreams at night. Sometimes the dreams were beautiful and they were happy and in love - other times they were fighting, hurling angry words at one another, things you couldn't take back. Her dreams were a direct reflection of both her hopes and fears for their future.

She told Morgan about the kiss and even the 'I told you so' look on his face didn't upset her. They had been through alot together and it was nice to have a person to talk to about anything and everything. Carol felt certain there would be limits to what she discussed with Morgan of course, like perhaps once her and Daryl made it to the next level of their relationship - if that ever happened of course. She just couldn't imagine talking to Morgan about sex with Daryl… well, the details anyway. He knew her so well at that point, Carol had a feeling Morgan would easily be able to call her on it if he wanted.

Carol had a chance to catch up with each of the guards from Alexandria. Abe was the happiest she had ever seen him and the way he looked at Sasha made her heart flutter. She wondered how Rosita was doing though. She'd heard that Rosita and Spencer were getting close before she left. Carol truly hoped the young woman was happy because it couldn't be easy seeing Abe and Sasha so deeply in love.

When she talked with Aaron she got up the nerve to ask how Tobin was doing. Aaron said he'd had a hard time at first, especially seeing how upset Daryl and some of the others were. It was difficult for some of them who hadn't known her as long to feel as broken up about her being gone as those she'd been with from the start. It wasn't entirely rational - people should be able to feel what they want to feel, but hearing Aaron explain it in his calm and thoughtful way Carol understood. For Tobin, who had only known her a few months to compare what he was feeling to someone like Daryl or Rick who had known her for years was difficult.

Aaron said that Tobin had tried to talk to Daryl a few times and it hadn't gone well. Carol realized now that there was an underlying jealousy, likely between both men, but she appreciated that Tobin tried. He was a kind and sweet man, he just wasn't the right man for her. Aaron told her that Tobin had asked if he could come as one of the guards when he found out, but Rick quickly shot that idea down - saying it was for safety reasons since Tobin hadn't been beyond the walls much. Carol was thankful Rick had honored her demands about who appropriate guards would be, but she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that part of it was simply that she didn't want to see Tobin. She'd hurt him, badly. The note was her apology for that. But she really didn't want to face the man and have to tell him that it was all make believe. Was it cowardly of her? Perhaps. But why put either of them through anymore unnecessary heartbreak?

Carol had sat down with Sasha for over an hour and they talked about Maggie. When Carol heard that Negan had murdered Glenn she was absolutely heartbroken. She found out not long after she came to Hilltop and it just put her in an even darker place than she already was. He was going to be a daddy and now he would never see his child. And Maggie - she had lost every single person she was closest to - first Hershel, then Beth and now Glenn - and to see him die that way… Carol almost threw up thinking about it.

Sasha told her that Maggie was an absolute mess at first, but it was extremely short lived because he sole focus moved to the baby. Stress wasn't good for the pregnancy and that baby was the last part of Glenn she had. Maggie was determined to do whatever it takes to make sure the pregnancy went smoothly. The doctor from Hilltop had been to see her a few times on Gregory's orders. When Carol took over she made sure the regular visits continued. It was dangerous sending their only doctor outside the walls, but Maggie needed him and it was too dangerous for her to do the travelling. Carol always made sure to send her best guards - even if it meant, at the time, that it left the community a little more vulnerable. She had a duty to a huge group of people to keep them safe - but Carol had a soft spot for Maggie, knowing everything she'd been through. Besides, she owed Maggie her life too, so it was least she could do.

The week had finally come to an end and at some point a new group would come so Sasha, Abe and Aaron could go home. Carol couldn't help but check the gate every 5 minutes - until sometime after lunch the vehicle finally pulled up - the vehicle she desperately hoped contained Daryl. There was a double batch of cookies waiting for him on her kitchen counter that she'd baked first thing that morning.

Carol saw three people get out of the car - Rick, Michonne and Carl. It had only been a few months since she'd seen the boy, but he was looking so grown up it made her want to cry. Carol craned her head, hoping there was someone else still in the car - but it was empty. Her heart sank. Why hadn't he come?

She wandered down to meet them trying really hard to mask her disappointment and sadness. Carol said goodbye to the group leaving and went to talk to the new arrivals. "Didn't think I would get the big guns," Carol teased.

Rick put an arm around Carl and Michonne. "Thought we would take a big of a family vacation," he said, smiling. "Still gotta work, I know, but it'll be nice to be somewhere different - together."

"What about Judith?" Carol asked. "Did she stay with Gabriel?" Carol knew that Gabe had really stepped up and protected the baby while the rest of them were outside the walls. She felt a pang of guilt that she'd essentially left the man for dead during the wolf attack, but thankful Morgan had saved him. Gabriel had become someone they all respected and Carol was happy he'd had the chance to do that.

"Not exactly," Rick said. Carol watched as him and Michonne shared a sly look.

"Hug? Where is she then?" Carol asked, looking around in confusion.

"Can't have a family vacation without the whole family," Rick replied, grinning at her. "Can't work without bringing along someone to help watch the baby." Carol was still confused, but when she heard another vehicle approaching it started to make sense.

"Have you all lost your damn minds?" Carol hissed, when she saw the motorcycle appear at the gates. "You let him take a baby on the motorcycle?" She growled.

Rick chuckled, "Nah, she rode in the car most of the way, but Daryl stopped 'bout a quarter mile back to get something." Carol felt some relief that Judith hadn't made the entire trip on the bike. "Didn't think it would hurt to let her have a short ride the rest of the way." When she looked over at the gates again and saw Daryl with the toddler zipped inside his jacket Carol smiled. Michonne and Carl left to give Daryl a hand. "Thought maybe the two of you could use some time together - without him working," Rick said softly, touching Carol's shoulder. "We'll take Judy as much as we can."

"Thank you," Carol whispered, extremely appreciative. Jesus arrived to show the new arrivals around just as Michonne passed Carol the baby.

Judith immediately snuggled into Carol's neck. Carol hugged her tightly. "I think she's ready for a sleep," Michonne commented.

"We'll take her to my place for a nap while Jesus gets you guys organized," Carol offered, not ready to give up the baby cuddles quite yet. Rick, Michonne and Carl followed Jesus and finally she was alone with Daryl and Judy. "I wasn't sure you were coming at first," Carol said softly, as she stroked Judith's soft, fine hair.

"'Course, I said I'd come back," he replied, looking at her in his shy, hesitant way. Carol touched something with her fingertips and realized Judith had a flower tucked behind her ear. It fell into her hand. "We stopped just down the road and picked one for you," Daryl said, holding out a second one. Carol tucked Judith's back and looked at the little white flower he was holding. It wasn't a Cherokee rose - those were mostly found in Georgia and they only bloomed for a very short time each year. But the little white Virginia wildflower resembled a Cherokee rose so much that Carol knew it couldn't be a coincidence. Daryl stepped forward and tucked the flower behind her ear, just like Judy. She felt a tingle when he touched her and a flutter in her heart from the sweet gesture.

One thing she had always known, right from the start, was that Daryl was a sentimental guy. It was surprising at first, but the better she got to know him Carol realized it was just the kind of person he was. He truly did have a heart of gold. He felt things deeply and cared for people deeply. When Daryl was cut - it was always right to the bone. And Carol also knew she had cut him deeper than perhaps anyone else ever had.

"Thank you," she whispered, kissing Judith's head while she looked at him. She hoped Daryl knew she wanted to kiss him too, but they were standing by the gate in plain view of anyone and everyone who was milling around. It wasn't really either of their thing to be affectionate in public - only in those extreme circumstances where emotions took over and you just couldn't hold it back. Carol thought about all the times she'd sat on Tobin's porch and let him kiss her goodbye. Just a quick peck on the lips. Just the thing that normal people did on a normal day. It seemed ridiculous now. Who was she back then? Lost. She was lost and struggling. It simply wasn't her.

Judith yawned and tucked her head into Carol's neck once again. "We should get her to bed," she said. Daryl nodded and they walked to Carol's house. "Your cookies are on the counter. I'll be back in a minute." She took Judith to her bedroom and got her settled, putting lots of extra pillows and blankets around her so Judith wouldn't roll out. Carol left the door open so they could hear her when she woke up and started her usual happy singing and babbling.

Carol started to feel a bit nervous as she went to find Daryl. He was in the living room, on the couch with a stack of cookies in his hand and his mouth full. She took a seat on the couch, angled towards him. "How have you been?" She asked.

"Alright," Daryl shrugged, talking with his mouth full. "I's kinda mean to your boyfriend," he added, sounding bitter. "Figured you should know."

"Don't call him that," Carol sighed. "I explained to you last time what that was all about."

"You fuck him?" Daryl asked, avoiding looking at her.

Carol sighed again, feeling irritated. "Does it really matter if I did?"

"I'll take that as a yes," Daryl grumbled. "Should have known anyway, he was in your house…"

"It's not a yes," Carol snapped. "I just don't see what bearing it has on anything." Daryl finally looked at her and she softened. It was clearly important to him if it was the first thing he wanted to talk about with all the options they had. "I never had sex with him Daryl, I swear," Carol said quietly. She could see him physically relax. "The night I left he was upset about Denise. I needed him to find the note and it was just convenient to invite him to stay the night. But nothing happened - he knew I wasn't ready for that - and he was right… not with him anyway," she added quickly. "I told you the truth… now it's your turn… why does it matter so much?"

Daryl blushed and shrugged. "I dunno," he said, looking away again. "Just does."

Carol wasn't going to let him get off easily. "It's me. Talk."

"It's just… he's not… You said…" Daryl couldn't seem to get started, but she waited patiently for him to find his words. "You said it wasn't real…" he finally strung a few words together. "I just… hoped… you wouldn't take it that far…" Carol let his words sink in and tried to process them. What she was getting was that perhaps Daryl was a little old fashioned and chivalrous when it came to sex. "Like, ya know, if you didn't love him…" That last line sealed the deal and she knew she'd understood correctly. It was surprising… yet it shouldn't have been. How many times had Daryl had the opportunity for random hookups or casual sex over the years? Yet, to the best of her knowledge he hadn't been with anyone. She hadn't spent a lot of time pondering it, but she had noticed.

"That matters to you," Carol said, it wasn't a question, it was a statement. It was actually a compliment and she needed to be sure he knew it was. "That's very sweet."

"It don't matter to you?" He asked, looking at her again.

Carol smiled. "Haven't had sex since I was married," she said. "May not have had quite as much opportunity as you, but there've been a few chances… yet... " Carol shrugged. "So yeah, it does."

They were silent, but Carol felt more calm than she had all day. That was that. One important thing out in the open - discussed, and put behind them. And one more important thing they had in common. Neither one of them wanted to have sex with someone they didn't love. There was only one problem… Carol knew exactly who she loved. She just didn't know if he felt the same.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your patience! I'm home now so I hope I can update a little more regularly! I mentioned at the start this would be a short one, so it's winding down. If all goes well I'm hoping to finish it up with one more chapter either tomorrow or monday. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!_

Carol knew in her head that what she was about to do, about to ask… It wasn't the best time. But what was the best time anymore anyway? Time was fleeting, faster than it ever did before the turn.

She was nervous but he'd already kissed her before he left the first time so it wasn't like it would be their first one. But he wasn't in a hurry to leave this time so how far did she allow things to go? Especially knowing Daryl didn't approve of sex without love… Maybe it was better to tell him first and go from there… No, she decided a kiss was a better place to start.

While she was pondering her options and playing over the pros and cons in her mind Daryl spoke. "Ya know… we could just start over… again… one more time…"

Carol looked up in shock. "But…" She eyed him almost suspiciously. "We have so much to talk about, so much I need to explain… so much you want to know?" She ended with a question.

Daryl shook his head. "Nope. It's fine."

"What?" Carol was absolutely confused and feeling extremely lost. "But don't you want to know? To understand… why…"

Daryl shook his head again. "The stuff I needed to know about we've covered. I'm good."

"But… but… you can't be…" Carol stammered. "Can you?" she added, looking into his eyes with uncertainty.

"You did what ya needed to do. Even if you explained it…" He shrugged. "I probably wouldn't understand cuz we ain't the same. You've been through things… done things… I ain't done…" Daryl paused for a moment. "But you're here now, and you're better, right? Morgan - he helped?"

Carol nodded. "I'm better than I was, but Daryl - I'm not the same. You're here - Rick, Carl, Michonne… you guys are here because I need people who can kill to protect this place. I'm not that person anymore."

"I ain't here for that," Daryl said softly. He looked down and his hair fell in his eyes. Carol was struck with the urge to move it away, but at the same time she loved the shy and innocent way it looked when he was half hidden behind the wisps. "Not right now anyway," he added, looking up. He was staring at her - the room was completely silent and Carol could feel her body vibrating from the intensity of the way he was looking at her. "You haven't changed that much," he added, his voice low and tender. "It don't matter to me if you can't or don't want to kill anymore. You're still you - still Carol… Still the same caring and strong woman that I… fell in love with."

Those words - from his mouth - it felt like the very thing she had waited an entire lifetime to hear. Ed said he loved her, but it wasn't love at all - she knew that. But Daryl, this was different… The way he was looking at her… It was that same look she'd had seen so many times before, but now, finally - She knew exactly what it meant - what it had always meant. He'd loved her for a long time. She hadn't known and very likely he hadn't even known himself. "You love me?" Carol whispered, feeling a smile spread across her face. Daryl blushed immediately, but he didn't look away, instead he nodded slowly. "Me too," Carol said quickly. "I mean you… not me, I love you… I do…" she stammered awkwardly.

Carol shook her head and took a deep breath. This wasn't like her - she wasn't awkward and she didn't get flustered. She closed her eyes, opened them and tried again, "I love you too," she said, clear and calmly.

They started at each other for a long time, neither moved or spoke. Finally Carol smiled and Daryl's intense look cracked too, then they both started to laugh. "So now what?" Carol asked.

"Exactly what I was thinking," Daryl replied as they both chuckled again. It wasn't an awkward moment, they were far too comfortable with one another for awkward, but it was new, honest and raw - and they genuinely weren't sure what was supposed to happen next.

"Well, the way I see it," Carol started, moving a little closer to him. "We have to options. We can either.. Uh… talk… or…" She moved a little closer again. "Or we could…"

Before she finished Daryl clearly picked option number one. "Will you come home?" he blurted out.

"Daryl," she sighed. "You know I can't."

"I know," he agreed. Daryl smiled. "But I had to ask."

"Where does that leave us?" she asked hesitantly. Carol knew that he really didn't want to leave Alexandria and she couldn't leave Hilltop.

"Long distance dating in the apocalypse?" Daryl joked. Carol knew he wasn't completely serious but at the same time… maybe that's what they were left with. She couldn't go there. He didn't want to leave. What other choice was there? "Don't look so sad," he said, catching her attention. "We'll make it work," he added, his voice soft and hopeful.

"How?" Carol asked with a defeated shrug. "You can't leave Alexandria, your family…"

"Ask me," Daryl replied.

"What?" Carol tried to ignore the hope bubbles.

Daryl's voice made her shiver. It was so sexy. "Just ask me if I'll stay. It's the right time to ask." Carol looked at him and finally she couldn't resist moving the hair - she needed to fully see his eyes. "You ain't gonna ask?" Daryl prodded when she hesitated.

"I want to, but I don't want to be the reason you leave your home… your family - all those people who love you," Carol sighed.

"Can't think of a better reason to leave," he replied, his voice barely a whisper. "A big part of my family is right here."

"What if you resent me?" Carol said softly.

This time Daryl sighed. "It ain't that far away. I can visit - and people are coming here every week. Unless… you ain't ready?"

Carol took a deep breath. "Will you stay?" She asked, smiling at him. A couple weeks ago she wasn't ready and didn't know that she ever would be. But things were very different now. They were in love and she couldn't imagine giving that up.

"I'm gonna need to think about that for a while," Daryl teased. "And we'll need to work out terms, conditions, a weekly schedule of baked goods…"

Carol shook her head. "Never thought I would say this… but you're talking way too much… get over here…" She grabbed his shirt and pulled him forward. "I'm gonna kiss you now," she whispered. "That okay?"

Daryl didn't answer, instead he closed the little gap that was left between them and pressed his lips to hers. Carol felt her body heat up, instantly. It was so different than when she'd kissed Tobin. So completely different. This kissed affected not just her entire body, but her mind too - it wasn't just physical, it was deep and emotional. She parted her lips, something she'd never done with Tobin, inviting Daryl to take it deeper. When he slipped his tongue into her mouth she was ready, greeting him eagerly with her own tongue.

She felt Daryl's hand on the small of her back, drawing her closer, while the other hand was lightly rubbing the top of her thigh. Her body felt tingly, all over, and hot - so burning hot. Carol let go of his shirt and moved her hands to his shoulders, for leverage, as she shifted to straddle him.

She sank down into his lap and twisted her arms around his neck. God, how could this possibly feel so amazing and so natural? Daryl moved his hands to her hips and then up her back, wrapping her tightly in a hug, crushing her against his chest and continuing to kiss her passionately.

He tasted sweet like the cookies he'd been eating and Carol wanted nothing more than to devour him - she felt like she was starving but in a different way, certainly not for food. She shifted her hips and Daryl groaned deeply into her mouth. The vibrations made her shiver with delight. His hands moved to her ass and he pulled her down on his groin area. She knew he was hard by that point and that knowledge intensified the heat at her core.

By then Carol wasn't the least bit nervous. She was a thousand percent curious though. What would it be like with Daryl? Not just the physical sex - she really wasn't worried about that at all. The kissing was amazing and she just knew the rest would be every bit as great. But she was thinking about what Morgan brought up about her never having been in love before. Now she was in love, deeply in love with Daryl. How would that change things? She honestly couldn't wait to find out.

He released his grip on her enough to work his hand up inside her shirt, grabbing a handful of her boob and squeezing gently. Carol broke the kiss and leaned back to give him better access, moaning as he squeezed again, a little harder. It was hot. So hot. She wanted to tear off her clothes, but Carol knew it wouldn't do a thing to cool the fire raging inside her. Daryl pulled the t-shirt off over her head. Nope, she'd been right. It wasn't any cooler - if anything it made her even hotter, especially when he reached for her bra clasp and left her exposed.

The second he took a nipple in his mouth and sucked lightly Carol felt like she was going to explode. Like, she legitimately felt like she was going to have an orgasm any second - she was that turned on. All she had to do was grind on him… just a little… Carol put her hands on his waist and started to move slowly, experimenting on finding just the right spot. Ahhhh, yes, right there… She leaned back and kept rubbing her groin against him.

"Jesus," he hissed, releasing her nipple and groaning. He only stopped for a moment before moving to the other nipple with his mouth and grabbing the breast he'd just let go of with his hand, toying with it, teasing her.

Holy God… she was so close to the edge… She wanted it - she wanted that release more than anything… But suddenly it all came to a crashing halt… "Wahhhhhhh. Wahhhhhhh." There was wailing coming from the room. Judith.

"Nooooooo," she whined, climbing off Daryl and flopping on the couch, feeling defeated. "I love that kid but dammit, her timing sucks," Carol said with a pout.

"I'll second that," Daryl grumbled, adjusting himself. Carol started to gather her shirt and bra. "I'll go," he said with a sigh as the wailing continued. "I guess this is what being cockblocked feels like," he muttered, kissing her forehead on his way by. Carol grabbed his hand briefly, letting go as he moved on by. She quickly got her clothes back on.

Daryl returned moments later with Judith in his arms. She was smiling, her cheeks pink and rosy. Carol walked over and kissed one of her chubby cheeks and then tickled her chin, making Judith giggle. "Gotta go find diapers," Daryl mumbled. "And someone to change her," he added sheepishly.

"I could…" Carol started, but the look Daryl was giving her made her stop. "Or you could find Carl or Rick and then let them know you have plans for the evening," she added with a smile.

He nodded eagerly. "Um Carol… where might one find rubbers 'round here?" Daryl whispered, covering Judith's ears as if she might know what he was talking about. He nodded towards the baby. "You know, just in case…"

Carol giggled. "Meet me back here as soon as it's dark… I'll take care of that." Daryl nodded and left and Carol set to work on creating a night neither one of them would ever forget.


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: Okay, so I think I've finally settled into a bit of a routine with the new job. This chapter had been in the works for a while, but finally today, I had the chance to finish it! Happy Mother's day to all the moms out there who might be reading this. Hope you enjoy!_

Carol took a long deep breath as she looked out the window and realized the sun was starting to set. She told Daryl to come back at dark… that would be soon. She had just enough time to take a long hot shower. When she went searching in the stores for condoms she'd found a pack of disposable razors and she planned on removing a lot of hair before Daryl arrived.

Their supper was in the oven and would be ready by the time she was done in the shower. Carol stripped off her clothes and looked at her naked body in the mirror. She'd never been completely happy with what she'd seen, but she also didn't dwell on things. Yeah, some parts were a bit saggier than she would have liked, but in the grand scheme of things Carol knew she was pretty luck and her body had aged well.

The patch of pubic hair was rather unruly though. Carol combed her fingers through the coarse hair, wondering if she needed scissors to start. She decided she would do the best she could with the razor, even if it wasn't perfect. She climbed in the hot water and started with her legs and armpits and then tossed that razor and grabbed the second one to work on the rest. Normally she wouldn't be so wasteful, but really… if there was ever a time a woman needed a good shave it was right then.

10 minutes later she decided she'd done a damn good job and was actually surprised by the success. Even though it wasn't perfect she knew Daryl would have to appreciate the effort. Carol got dressed in the new clothes she'd found while digging around in the storage building. They had gathered a lot of clothing over the years, but much if it had stayed packed away because new stuff was always coming in. Someone had put clothes in totes and labelled them all by size and style. They had also put dryer sheets in the totes to keep the clothes smelling fresh.

In the bin labelled 'Women's Size M Skirts and Dresses' Carol found a gorgeous light cotton sun dress. No one wore dresses anymore, so it wasn't surprising that such a gorgeous item was still there. When is the last time Daryl saw a woman in a dress? She wondered. Carol chuckled to herself, would Daryl even notice what a woman was wearing? Tonight he would - she was sure of it.

The doorbell rang before she had time to put on her sandals so Carol headed down to answer it barefoot. When she opened the door and saw him standing there she was overwhelmed with how… normal things seemed. She was just a girl, nervous and excited, opening the door to a boy who was just as nervous - maybe a little more, actually. She had spent time making herself pretty and it was clear he'd made the same kind of effort.

"You shaved," she said, reaching out to touch his face with a smile. Carol couldn't remember the last time she'd seem him without facial hair. He looked so young. He had such a sweet baby face. "And your hair," she cocked her head to the side. "I like it," Carol added. He hadn't cut it short like it had been when they first met, but it was a lot shorter, though still long enough for that darn whisp to fall in his eyes.

His clothes were the usual, but it seemed like he'd made an effort to make himself look tidier. Carol was so preoccupied looking at him it took her a while to notice the way he was looking at her, but when she did notice - her heart started to beat a little faster. The dress was most definitely not missed.

She froze in place as his hand reached forward and gently grazed the material just below her breasts. "Where'd you find this?" he asked softly. "You look really nice," he added quickly, before she replied.

"Thank you," Carol replied as she covered his hand with her own. Daryl's hand trembled slightly with her touch. Carol looked up and their eyes met. "Dinner is in the oven… should be almost ready," she said softly. She didn't notice the brief flicker of disappointment. "But um, I could just turn off the oven and leave it in there to stay warm…" Carol tugged him inside the house, shut the door, raced to the kitchen to turn off the oven and when she returned she immediately reached for him again.

She kissed him hungrily, passionately and desperately. Daryl pulled her close and kissed her back with that same desperation. It was clear by that point that supper was definitely going to have to wait. His hands were all over her ass, groping, squeezing and pulling her flush against his body. It felt so good for someone to touch her that way, not just someone - him. It wasn't like they were even naked yet, but he was touching her with an intimacy that left her entire body pulsing with desire.

Get out of the foyer, a voice in her mind spoke. Carol had prepared the bedroom for the evening. It wasn't anything super romantic or corny, but she'd made sure to put on fresh sheets, she'd drawn the blinds, and set out a few candles - though she was pretty sure they would go unlit with the way things were progressing. She also made sure the condoms she'd snuck out of storage were handy.

Carol reluctantly broke their embrace and led him to the bedroom. She shut the door and took a long deep breath before she turned to face him. "Before we…" her voice trailed off. "I need you to know something." Daryl looked nervous so she continued quickly. "Morgan made me realize something… Before you… I mean, you're the first man…" Carol sighed and shook her head. She hated when she got all jumbled up when she tried to talk. She took another calming breath and then tried again. "You're the first man I've ever loved, really, truly loved. So even though I've done this - had sex - before, it's kinda a first in a way…" She studied his face to see if her words were making sense.

"But Ed," Daryl looked confused. "You didn't?"

Carol shook her head. "I didn't know that until I talked with Morgan… but no, I really didn't. He never treated me right but I just kept thinking it would change one day… until it was too late." She took a step forward and took his hands. "I'm not trying to upset you, or make you nervous, or put any pressure on you… I just wanted you to know, that's all."

"I ain't loved anyone either," Daryl replied, in his low, quiet rumble. He looked a bit embarrassed. "Makes me a big ass hypocrite, don't it?" It took Carol a moment to connect the dots, but she realized he was referring to him being upset that she would sleep with Tobin if she didn't love him. "I don't think I really knew what it was before you," he added shyly. "I ain't gonna make excuses though - I'm an ass and I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Carol shook her head. "You're not the same person - neither am I, but it's okay. The others who came before… they don't matter anymore. This is about us." With a demure smile she reached out and undid his top button, then the second and third. Carol pulled open his shirt and placed her hand on his chest, over his heart. It was pounding against her fingers - so fast. She looked up at him with a smile - and that's when their restraint disappeared.

Daryl lips came crashing down on hers as she tilted her head up and met him eagerly. His hands were furiously tugging at her clothing while hers were doing the same to him. Those moments when they had to separate, just for a moment, to remove an article of clothing, seemed like an eternity. Carol couldn't remember wanting anything like she wanted him in that moment. Her body ached, throbbed and pulsed all over, yearning for his touch. The second his fingers left one spot to explore another there was both the feeling of sadness in one area and a new tingle of excitement somewhere else. It was only worse with his mouth. When his lips left hers she wanted them back, but when his hot mouth moved to lavish another part of her body it made her knees buckle momentarily.

Daryl was firmly latched onto one of her nipples and she couldn't help but wrap her arm around his neck, grab his head with her hands and hold him firmly, both delirious with pleasure from how good it felt and terrified he might stop. Eventually he did stop, but not before he had her so wet she could already feel the slipperiness between her legs and the accompanying throb at her core.

Carol reached between their bodies and found his cock, thick and hard. In all their groping and exploring it was the first time she'd touched him there. Daryl groaned as she moved her hand up his shaft to the tip and then back down. She gripped tighter and felt his dick pulse in her hand like a steady, strong heartbeat. Carol squeezed a little more and Daryl gasped. "Jesus," he hissed, not in pain, but deep pleasure. She slipped her other hand lower to cup his balls and saw the look in his eyes intensify. He only let her fondle him for a moment longer before he guided her to the bed and dropped to his knees in front of her.

Daryl ran his hands up her shins to her knees and then up and down her thighs a few times. She knew her legs were smooth as silk and she loved the way it felt to have his slightly calloused hands touching her soft skin. He stopped at her knees and slowly pulled them apart. Carol shivered as he stared for a moment and her heart thudded with desire when his tongue slipped out to wet his lips. Daryl reached out and lightly grazed her with his fingertips and her entire body quivered. "You just do that? For me?" he asked, continuing to touch the area she'd just shaved. Carol nodded and she saw a little smile on his lips as his head dipped down.

She braced herself, but even that didn't prepare her for the feel of his cheeks brushing the inside of her thighs, or the tickle of his warm breath. Carol fell back onto the bed sighing with his first slow lick. She couldn't have held herself up even if she wanted to. It had been so long since she'd experienced this kind of pleasure, so unselfish and purely for her. Carol was pretty sure she'd never been with a man who she knew was 100% focused on her like Daryl was in that moment. His sole intent was to bring her as much pleasure as he possibly could - and when Daryl set his mind to something… he never failed to do one hell of an amazing job.

It was pretty clear within a matter of seconds that Daryl knew a thing or two about oral. The way he was always licking his fingers should have given her a clue that he knew what to do with his tongue. Carol felt her body flush from head to toe, heat building inside her, trying to escape somehow, burning hotter with every lick and nibble.

Somehow, even through the intense pleasure, Carol was really feeling the emotions that went along with the experience. That was also something new for her - feeling it so deeply - and feeling good things. So often with Ed all she felt was an urgency to just get it over with. She did what he wanted, went through the motions, but it wasn't because she wanted to, but because she was protecting herself from a beating. This was different - she was happy, deliriously happy, and she was so very much in love with the man who was lavishing her. Love - this is what it feels like, she thought. To desire someone you're truly in love with was such a special feeling.

Daryl's tongue had found it's way to her clit and the pulsing deep inside her pussy intensified. Instinctively she rocked her hips, moaning as she reached for his head. In that moment she was struck with a decision - one she needed to make quickly. She really wanted his dick inside her before she came, but what he was doing - sucking very gently on her nub, alternating with light licks - it felt so good she didn't know if she could bear for him to stop. No, this was their first time, she wanted to come while he was fucking her. "Daryl, Daryl," she gasped. "Fuck me… please."

He stopped and popped up from between her legs. "You sure? Ain't gonna be long…"

"Don't need it to be," she said confidently. "Just hurry. Condom's right there," she pointed to the bedside table where she'd set one out. Daryl scrambled for it and ripped it open. She could see his hands were shaking as he rolled it on and her heart fluttered. He was so sweet in so many ways. It almost made her sad that this wasn't a real first time for both of them. It didn't matter though - emotionally this was a first and he would always have her virginity in that way - and her his.

Standing at the edge of the bed, between her legs, Daryl pulled her closer and lined up. After what felt like a lot longer than the few seconds it was he finally moved into her. Her light moan was drowned out by his deep, manly groan. "Fuck," he hissed as he gripped her thighs tighter. Carol could feel his body quivering and it sent a ripple of goosebumps over her entire body.

Daryl was frozen in place as if he was either afraid or simply unable to move. Carol writhed slightly, enjoying the feel of his cock buried in her wet pussy, but she needed more. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him even deeper and then released and pulled herself back just a bit. Carol repeated this several times. It was only a movement of an inch or two at a time, but Daryl looked like he was about to come undone at any second. There was a glossiness in his eyes, sitting over that look of bliss and bewilderment and Carol realized he was on the verge of tears. Daryl, her sweet man, was such a sensitive soul. He felt everything so deeply and gave back just as much.

When his hands touched her thighs Carol released her grip and allowed him to take over. Daryl wasn't the only one about to lose control - she was right on the edge herself. He fucked her, slowly at first, and she enjoyed the increase and decrease of pressure as he pushed deep and withdrew. The build inside her felt so amazing she wanted to just close her eyes and focus only on that, but before she did Carol looked at him one more time. She watched a tear slip from his eye and start to trickle down his cheek - then he gave her the tiniest shy smile and Carol was done.

When the orgasm hit her she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. She gasped and threw her head back onto the soft mattress. "Oh God," she moaned, relinquishing all control of her body to the bliss that was rippling through her. She felt Daryl speed up, thrusting quick and hard, as her world went black momentarily.

When she came back to her senses there was so much happening all at once. Her pussy was throbbing, Daryl was gripping her legs but he'd stopped moving and his body was shuddering, her face felt wet and Carol realized she was crying - they both were. Daryl's eyes were closed, but she could see the wet tracks on his cheeks. When he opened his eyes he quickly swiped at the tears, "Sorry."

"Don't be," Carol whispered, smiling at him. "It's something I've always loved about you," she added, referring to his sensitive side. Daryl slipped out of her and the disappointment of parting filled her instantly. He got rid of the condom quickly and in a matter of seconds he was lying on the bed beside her. Carol shifted closer and he hugged her, guiding her head onto his chest. It eased the disappointment to be so close and intimate again.

They lay in silence for a few minutes but it wasn't awkward, it was comfortable. "You okay?" Daryl asked, his voice low and tender. Their relationship over the years had always been built on deep concern and empathy for one another. Quite often they expressed concern for the other because of that empathy, but also because they knew each other so well.

"Mmm," Carol sighed. "I am very, very okay. You?"

She felt his body move as he chuckled. "Ain't never been better," he replied.

"But?" Carol asked, sensing a little something in his voice. She sat up a bit to look at him. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Daryl shrugged. "Just ain't used to feeling this good. 'Specially since you left." He shook his head a smile, "But we ain't talking about that anymore. New beginning… and this was a damn good start."

"Things are gonna be very different," Carol said hesitantly. "You sure you're up for that?"

"I've wanted to protect you from the day I met ya," Daryl said, blushing slightly. "You let me for a while… then you started saving my ass." He touched her face, softly with his fingertips. "You ready to let me take care of you again for a while… or forever?"

Carol pouted, "You just answered my question with a question." Her irritation was only slight. "But I do like the sound of forever." She bit her lip. "You know I'm kinda gonna be your boss, right?"

Daryl rolled his eyes, "You've been my boss for a long, long time."

"You trust me?" Carol asked. "When I make a decision you don't agree with, can you trust me?"

"As long as you ain't adding beets to your cookie recipe we're good," he teased.

"Tobin liked them," she said, glaring at Daryl with a sparkle in her eye.

"Tobin's an idiot who wanted to get laid," he shot back. "He would have ate a turd cookie and told you it was good."

As much as she wanted to smack him and give him crap for saying mean things about Tobin Carol just couldn't do it. Instead she collapsed onto his chest in a fit of laughter. Eventually she sat up and patted his chest lightly, "Come on, let's get dressed and go eat - no beets… or turds, I promise."

When they walked downstairs Carol was surprised to find Morgan taking the food out of the oven. "Uh, Morgan? What… what are you doing here?"

He looked at her strangely, "It's Sunday."

"Oh God…" Carol sighed. "I forgot."

"What happens on Sunday?" Daryl asked, sitting down at the table.

Carol explained, "Morgan and I take turns cooking on Sundays… it was my turn this week." When they first came to Hilltop they ate a lot of meals together and spent a great deal of time talking. As time passed and she got busier, it didn't happen as often, but they had made a deal to always meet once a week for dinner.

"Oh no… I'm interrupting," Morgan suddenly realized. "Oh damn…" He started fumbling with the over mitts. "I didn't know… shit…"

"It's fine, stay… join us," Daryl said.

"You sure?" Morgan looked uncertain and extremely embarrassed.

Carol watched them for a moment and then set to work getting dinner on the table. She couldn't help but smile. She had a feeling Daryl and Morgan would get along very well. Several months ago she couldn't have imagined the three of them sitting down for a meal together, but now… it just seemed natural and felt right.

After so much tragedy, heartbreak and loss, a period of soul searching and a steady climb back to a place of peace Carol was finally where she needed to be. Everything was finally in place, all her stars had finally lined up the way she'd been needing them to her entire life. Daryl asked her when he first came to Hilltop if there was a place for him in her new life and it took her until that moment to realize that there had been a place for him from beginning. He was the final piece of the puzzle, the one you drop in place with a satisfied sigh, feeling the accomplishment, finally, after all of your hard work.

Carol sat down at the table and looked first at Morgan. She thought of him as her savior and she was damn sure she wouldn't still be alive if he hadn't found her. Then she looked at Daryl - the love of her life. They had both showed up when she didn't think she needed them or wanted them and both times she was so wrong.

"Holy fuck.. Is that… it can't be…" Daryl gasped.

"It is," Morgan nodded.

"Bacon... " he sighed. "Oh God how I've missed bacon," Daryl grumbled, stuffing another bite in his mouth. "You didn't have to seduce me Peletier," Daryl mumbled, giving her a sexy grin. "I'd of stayed, just for the bacon." They all started laughing and Carol felt a hope for the future she hadn't thought possible. It's a good night, she thought. The first of many.

The End.


End file.
